Peyton Manning’s (Hypothetical) Evolution Into Craft Beer

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Peyton Manning’s (Hypothetical) Evolution Into Craft Beer

If you truly care about someone, send them beer. After Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl and declared he’d be spending the rest of his night hugging his family and drinking lots of Budweiser, the Brewers Association decided they should step in with a sort of intervention and send the quarterback a box of good beer.

Here’s the list of beers in the package.
Black Bavarian (German-style Schwarzbier) | Sprecher Brewing Co. | Glendale, WI
Apricot Blonde (Blonde Ale) | Dry Dock Brewing Co. | Aurora, CO
Craft Lager (American Lager) | Upslope Brewing Co. | Boulder, CO
Colorado Kolsch (German-style Kolsch) | Steamworks Brewing Co. | Durango, CO
Racer 5 IPA (India Pale Ale) | Bear Republic Brewing Co. | Healdsburg, CA
Samuel Adams Boston Lager (Vienna-style Lager) | Boston Beer Co. | Boston, MA
Mojo IPA (India Pale Ale) | Boulder Beer Co. | Boulder, CO
Sawtooth Ale Nitro (Extra Special Bitter) | Left Hand Brewing Co. | Longmont, CO
Session Cream Summer Ale (Cream Ale) | Full Sail Brewing Co. | Hood River, OR
Graham Cracker Porter (American Porter) | Denver Beer Co. | Denver, CO

What do you think? Would Manning be swayed from the Dark Side of Big Beer with this box of goodness? I’m gonna be an optimist and say this care package does the trick.

Here’s how I see Peyton Manning’s hypothetical evolution into craft beer playing out based on this package from the Craft Brewers Association.

The quarterback starts off in familiar territory with Sam Adams Boston Lager because he’s probably had that before on those nights that he’s feeling a little fancy. Then get gets into Upslope’s Craft Lager, because that’s an easy transition from Bud. Ditto the Colorado Kolsch from Steamworks. But by now, he’s thinking this craft beer thing ain’t so bad, so he reaches for something a little more adventurous—the Apricot Blonde—because everyone’s evolution from macro to micro beer has a fruity beer stage. I can remember an entire year of my life dedicated to Pete’s Wicked Ale Strawberry Blonde. Satisfied, he moves on to Graham Cracker Porter, because who doesn’t love Graham Crackers, and actually blends it with Session Cream Summer Ale because he thinks they might go well together and this whole craft beer thing is about experimentation, after all.

By now, he’s questioning his allegiance to Papa Johns, because if craft beer can be this good, what about well-crafted pizza?

Black Bavarian and Sawtooth Nitro BLOW HIS MIND and he’s really getting into the swing of things as he moves through the IPAs from Bear Republic and Boulder Beer. He’s thinking maybe he’ll grow a beard. He Googles GABF. How much are tickets?

Just for fun, he pulls out an old Budweiser from the back of his fridge and drinks it right after knocking back the Racer 5 IPA. But he can’t taste that Bud Heavy at all anymore. It tastes like water. At first he wonders if one of his kids drank the beer, then filled it back up with water so dad wouldn’t notice it was missing (I’ve heard kids do this sometimes), but it’s not his kid’s fault. It’s the Bud’s fault. There’s just no taste there. Manning has seen the light. He’s like Keanu in The Matrix. You can’t un-see the Matrix. You can’t go back to Bud.

Anyway, that’s how I see it playing out. Good luck on your craft beer journey, Mr. Manning. Enjoy the ride.