Is it possible to burn an idea, or to erase all traces of an offending image from the internet via the cleansing power of fire? Let’s hope so, because you’ll no doubt want to start building a pyre after one good, long glance at the horror above you: Pepsi is introducing a “S’Mores Collection” of flavored colas, starting today.
Mercifully, the cola maker seems to realize that this concept is not something that could possibly sustain itself beyond the novelty factor of tasting it once, so the trio of different S’Mores flavors—chocolate, graham cracker and “toasty marshmallow”—are being offered for a limited time only. In fact, it sounds like they won’t even be in stores—if you want to inflict these on yourself you’ll have to be one of 2,000 contest winners. According to the brand:
Starting today, fans can share an image or description of how they s’more on Instagram or Twitter with the hashtags #PepsiSmores and #Sweepstakes and follow @Pepsi for a chance to win a set of the limited-edition Pepsi S’mores Collection.
Ah, there we have it—a play for social media followers. Still, let us celebrate just how awful each of these flavors sound individually, shall we? We will note that we’re again thankful for the fact that they come in 7.5 oz Pepsi mini cans, another admission that surely no one would want to drink any large quantity of these.
Pepsi Toasty Marshmallow: This is “an entirely new Pepsi concoction,” according to the company, meaning that you get to be the lab rat—lucky you. It takes a “marshmallow base,” which is a disturbing thing to read about a cola, and adds “layers of toasted notes to mimic a light fireside flavor.”
Pepsi Graham Cracker: This one is “infused with notes of honey and cinnamon to achieve the perfect balanced graham cracker flavor profile.” Dare we say that this could aspire to be the least offensive of the S’Mores batch.
Pepsi Chocolate: This one “contains dominant notes of cocoa throughout, with slight hints of vanilla to create extra creamy sweetness, mimicking a slightly melted chocolate flavor.” Or in other words, the food scientists were so busy asking whether they could, they didn’t stop to consider whether they should.
Pepsi is even gregarious enough to include a bevy of different “recipes” for combining the mini cans, seemingly thinking so little of their audience that they don’t believe people could figure out “I can combine these at any ratio” on their own. Leave it to a soft drink giant to find a way to think less of its customer base, more than 50 years after first hitting store shelves. That’s Pepsi for you: An innovator.
Jim Vorel is a Paste staff writer and resident beer and liquor geek. You can follow him on Twitter for more food and drink writing.