The mayor of South Park and/or our dreams is making waves with a … candid Facebook warning to his town about the seriousness of the coronavirus.
Gabe Brown, mayor of 3,600-person Walton, Ky., took to the Boone County Neighborhood Facebook group Monday to address “dipshits and sensible people” (the gender-neutral alternative to “ladies and gentlemen” we’ve been looking for). “You need to realize this is a serious ordeal. In fact, it’s a big f*cking deal. Stay at home.”
Walton is across the Ohio River from Boone County, which confirmed its second coronavirus case on Tuesday.
Brown, the star of such news segments as “Mayor of Walton, Ky. is willing to be tased for charity” is f*cking tired of coronavirus meetings (he speaks for the people). In the tone of your little league coach who has been driven to madness by your incessant pussyfooting about your twisted ankle or whatever, demands his constituents “treat this seriously. If you don’t, then screw you.”
“I pray every night that the State, County, and region that I love with all of my heart will stop doing nonsensical things,” he continues. Ah, yes, the classic red state citizen’s bedtime prayer.
“Be responsible. If you don’t, then screw you. Warmest regards,” the Mayor concluded his first message. It solicited a sizable, not-exactly-surprising response, with some commenters showing straight-shooter solidarity and other (lamer) constituents reminding Brown that “if you can not say it without cuss words, it is NOT WORTH SAYING !”
In response, Brown posted a calmer, more introspective “screw you” two hours later. “It has been brought to my attention that I may have, in fact, lost my shit … then again, some of you got told what you should’ve.”
We look forward to the Centers for Disease Control taking a similar approach to public health.
In the immortal, concluding words of Mayor Brown, “wash your hands you filthy animals.”