Last we left them, Sid had accidentally stabbed Galavant through the chest with his sword. “Love and Death” begins with them speeding Galavant away on horseback to find a healer, as it appears doctors were not too common in Medieval-ish Times.
The group ends up in Sporin, which looks eerily similar to the torture chamber in The Princess Bride, for good reason. The healer, Neo of Sporin (is that a joke, or weird product placement?) bursts out into song à la Wonderland’s White Rabbit, singing about rushing, while wasting time. By the end of his serenade, Galavant is dead. Which was good, story wise. Sure, I want Galavant to come back to life, but I also want to be at the edge of my seat with anticipation.
Sid asks what all Princess Bride fans were thinking, “Couldn’t he be mostly dead, but not all dead?” Neo gives the somber news that Gal is just dead-dead, but… he could make a potion to possibly revive him. However, the key ingredient is a grey hair from the beard of a middle aged man untouched by a woman. Where could such a man possibly be found? all wonder. Richard cowers, as the unicorn reappears, pointing his horn at him like an accusatory finger.
Galavant receives the potion, and as they wait for him to heal, he’s visited by death in a dreamscape. There, he sees Isabella, and realizes that she thinks he no longer loves her. He can’t bear the thought that he might die without Isabella knowing he loves her. While he fights to revive, in the living world, Bobby professes her love to Richard: “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, over a dead body, asking him to like her.” Just as they’re about to kiss, Galavant revives, interrupts their kiss, and Richard kisses Gal on the cheek.
Galavant decides he will save Izzie with or without an army, and Neo mentions he’s been experimenting, with much success, on reviving dead soldiers. He shows Gal his army of half-dead soldiers, which are more sleepy zombies than aggressive Frankensteins.
Back at Valencia, Gareth, Madalena, and Wormwood prepare for war. While plotting, Madalena lets it slip that she loves Gareth. Wormwood gets really excited to plan a wedding (let’s not forget, he is equally talented at both war plotting and wedding planning). Gareth is moved, as no one has ever told him they love him. The burly titan turns into a gentle giant, as he starts a sing-along love song, complete with the blue bird jumping on his words to sing at the bottom of the screen. That’s not the only infantile aspect of this song, as Gareth’s vocabulary isn’t very developed: “The skyball’s doing its shine thing… Those wingy beasts with their feathers, they make a squeaky-like sound…My lip ends look how they twist up… I’m always holding my fists up, to flap my fingers at friends.” Madalena feels uncomfortable with her newfound feelings, but Gareth is willing to take it at her pace. It’s actually all quite sweet, if they weren’t so evil.
In the midst of all this fanfare, Isabella receives a save-the-date for a war. She is the bravest and must step up to be the leader of Harry’s toy army, knowing that sure defeat awaits her.
“Do the D’Dew” opens with Galavant at the helm of his slovenly zombie army. While some fans might be wondering that this Walking Dead reference is an incongruous fit Medieval-ish times, it’s believed that zombies were inspired by the victims of the Bubonic Plague—so it actually fits quite well. These zombies are terrifyingly ridiculous, moving hilariously slowly, and leaving Galavant disheartened by his scraggly soldiers. But when he talks about the love that brought him back to life, their ears perk up. It turns out, love does conquer all, even the dead. They play the chorus for a “Summer Lovin’” rendition, where their slumped shoulders, unfocused eyes, and grumbling guttural voices mumble, “uh-huh.”
They take refuge in the empty castle of Valencia, and Richard’s reflective state has me wondering if he’s going to have a full on character-arc from Season One? One thing about him is definitely going to change, if Bobby has anything to do with it. Like the excited youth that they’re not, Richard and Bobby take their relationship to the ‘next level.’ #Richerta is now a thing. Empowered by his new friendship and relationship, Richard, a changed man, decides he will valiantly go into the depths of the battlefield with Galavant. But Bobby doesn’t want Richard to go. He sucks at fighting, and she describes the graphically gruesome way in which he will get slaughtered. He says that though that sounds terrible, he must fight. She decides to leave, rather than watch him die. They bid each other a sad farewell.
At the battlefield, Isabella is looking like a badass warrior princess in her armored corset. Given that Prince Harry spent his ENTIRE military budget on toy swords and fake horses, she and the Jester go to surrender to Madalena and Gareth. Madalena is bummed at first because she wanted to kill people on the battlefield, but she enjoys making the terms so horribly humiliating: “I want all the children to put their toys in a pile and then I’m going to light it on fire.” Isabella is about to concede, when Madalena tells her that she also has a final term, for Isabella to be her handmaiden, and shine her crown. The sight of her mother’s crown fills Isabella with queenly courage.
Isabella and Madalena have a catfight/sing-off. Isabella rescinds her surrender, bluffing that she can take on Madalena for the bearer of the sword of the one true king, “one sword to unite them all,” is in her army.
Madalena freaks out about the one true king thing, but Wormwood has a solution: “Not only am I the most respected wedding planner in the land, I’m also a practitioner of the dark arts.” Wormwood offers them D’DEW (Dark Dark Evil Way), Madalena wants in, but Gareth wants to do it on his own, so Madalena pretends to agree with Gareth.
Madalena meets Wormwood in his tent to make a D’DEW deal. (She obviously missed the lesson about how trust and honesty are key to a healthy relationship.) She tells Wormwood she’s ready to do anything, then sees him with baby and knife in hand. She hesitates, then says to hand over the baby. He, somewhat horrified, corrects her by saying he’s babysitting, while cutting a peach. She just has to sign contracts for an immortal soul. Madalena cuts her hand to sign in blood. Wormwood, impressed but mainly horrified, hands her a quill.
This episode ends with a heart-pumping scene, as all three armies get ready to meet on the battlefield. We see Madalena with possessed, devil-red eyes, and Isabella with her weaponless army, and Galavant with his band of scraggly soldiers. So much anticipation for the final! What will Gareth do when he sees Richard? What will happen with Madalena and Gareth’s love story? Will Richard show his heroism on the battlefield and live to see Bobby again? How will I wait a week to find all this out?
Madina Papadopoulos is a New York-based freelance writer, author and regular contributor toPaste. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.