Majority of TV Binge-Watchers are Unfaithful Louts, New Study Says

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We learned last month that our nation’s binge-watchers tend to be lonely and depressed, and this morning, a new study came out with information that will SHOCK and STUN you: Turns out, 62 percent of people who binge-watch TV shows would cheat on their partners.*

*At least when it comes to the television part of their relationship.

The Harris Poll, in a study commissioned by Century 21 Real Estate—for reasons that I don’t quite understand, except that it seems connected with the season 3 debut of House of Cards—reached out to 4,000 American adults to learn the scope of our great nation’s binge-watching habits. Among the minor findings:

—58 percent of those surveyed have binge-watched a TV show at least once. Which means that not sitting in front of the television watching hour after hour of television while neglecting the rest of your life now makes you a freak in this country.

—99 percent of them binge-watch in their home. Duh. Where do the others binge-watch?? Church?

—78 percent of Millennials have binge-watched, which is the highest percentage demographic, and proves that we’re a bunch of lonely, depressed losers.

—71 percent binge with a “spouse, partner, or significant other.” In a futile attempt, apparently, to curb that aforementioned loneliness.

It’s when we look within this last data set, though, that things start to get interesting. As it turns out, and here we must revert to bold font and caps lock, BINGE-WATCHERS ARE CHEATY CHEATING CHEATERS!

A whopping 62 percent of all co-bingers told the Harris Poll that they either have or would cheat on their binge-watching partner to jump ahead in a favorite series. For comparison’s sake, this Indiana University study claims that about 19 percent of women and 23 percent of men cheat on their significant others in a romantic sense. So it’s totally reasonable to conclude that binge-watchers are, on average, three times as unfaithful as adulterers.

Also, unmarried bingers were way more likely than married ones to admit their cheating ways, which means that married people are liars. Married bingers are also way less likely to binge in the bedroom, a sure sign that they’re double-crossing their significant others in dens and basements and man caves and, of course, in kitchens with tiny, tiny televisions. Not to mention the computers and iPads and other wicked handheld devices—the digital revolution is destroying family values!

Where have our morals gone, America? I, for one, would never commit binge-watching infidelity. Unless you consider it “binge-watching infidelity” that one time when my wife and I watched an episode of The Fall on Netflix, agreed that it was awesome, at which point I stayed up until 2 a.m. watching the rest of the season.

Which, now that I re-read the definition, it definitely was. But hey, at least I’m not one of those non-binging FREAKS, am I right?